In July my beloved daughter will turn eight 6 days after I turn fifty three. I walk around in denial most days about the age I am until our birthday month starts to loom and then I start to ponder my thoughts about being a mid life mother. I find myself still somewhat self conscious about thinking of or worrying about what others think when they see the two of us together. This stems first from of course the comments and questions asked if I am her mom or her grandma.
But really in my most spiritual heart of hearts – it is about me. Accepting that motherhood did not come easily or early in life for me. That the universe had lessons for me to learn before I was blessed with my beloved daughter. And for the willingness to take the time to learn what I needed to – I am all the better of a mother for it.
Saying the above – would I turn down a chance to be 40 again? Not a chance but I am slowly learning that wishing for something that will never happen is futile and my lesson now is to be the happiest, healthiest soon to be fifty three year old I can be. In that end I have ramped up my workouts from walking on the treadmill to recent endeavors into Zumba classes. For those who have not been to a class – it is a high intensity, non stop aerobics class set to Latin music with enough dance in it to keep me moving for an hour. That I can get through that hour after six knee surgeries is a small miracle in and of itself!
Filed under: General adoption information on June 3rd, 2012