Menopause anyone?

I watched an Oprah show I had saved in my DVR about aging, pre-menopause and menopause yesterday that I had taped a while ago.

I cried for about 20 minutes after I watched the show – seeing how much my hormonal imbalances had been affecting my well being and keeping me in this “numb”, not really present space for the years since peri-menopause started when I hit 45 and Ariel was about six months old. I feel like I have to some degree lost ten years of my life – 3 from infertility and treatment for it and then the past 7 from hormone imbalances which have caused a variety of problems including but not limited to depression, anxiety, irritability and lethargy and lack of the “self” I felt I was before this leg of the journey of my life.

I have actually tried to get help with my depleted hormone status and shot adrenal system from two doctors recommended to me and yet here I am – just starting a new relationship with a third doctor and gearing up to start a whole new partnership for my health and well being.

The trickier part of this is my reluctance to doing any synthetic hormone replacement after already assaulting my body earlier in my 40′s with six unsuccessful In Vitro cycles. As it is – those years of hormones now have me taking yearly ovarian cancer cancer screenings (which I was not previously at risk for) and closer scrutiny every year for breast cancer after a breast cancer scare (complete with surgical biopsy) several years ago – thankfully the mass was benign.

I feel frustrated, angry and tired from having had to do so much of the research and leg work to help myself while in this depleted space. At the same time, hopeful that the bio-identical hormones prescribed to me a month ago will finally balance my chemistry into some level of normalcy.  Life is too precious to be just walking through in a fog.

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